With the name of kind God, greetings to you dear audience; the current discussion that you are going to follow is about the psychological and mental needs of the women as compare to the monetary and economic needs from their husbands. Our guests for this discussion are Ms. Fatima Faizi employee of gender section of Swedish Committee for Afghanistan and Ms. Taiba Alokozay clinical psychiatric of Medica Afghanistan Organization.
In spite of the commonness issue of the men and women still there are some physical and psychological differences between them and if we identify these differences then for sure that we will have a prosperous and happy life and we will deserve from our lives and we will be having a healthy psychic.
It is said that the men and women are having different types of psychological and mental statuses.
The men love silence, especially during anxiety and tiredness and the women love talking and discussions, therefore the men should learn the art of talking and discussion and the women should also give value to the silence of the men; especially at the entrance time of men to the home. The purpose of men’s talking and discussion are for the gathering of information while the women are talking and discussing because they love and deserve from their communications and they think that it is a good source to fresh their psychological burdens with, thus it is advised that at least the men should discuss and talk with their wives for twenty minutes in a friendly environment.
– Men are normally looking at whole while the females at part.
The women are looking at the partial segments of life and behavior with much accuracy and they give place in their minds that the men should notice this and according this they should find the personalities of the women and the women are also advised not to act upon the tiny things that they think about.
Based on this issue we are going to have our discussions that are the women only like the monetary and materialistic aspects of life or they also need so psychological and mental support; similarly some other topics will be discussed with our guests in this discussion.
Question: Ms. Faizi: based on your views, what are the expectations of the women in the married lives from their husbands?
Answer: The needs that our society women are having from their husbands could be home, food and cloths and without doubt that these are the compulsory items that the husband should provide. In spite of the mentioned points the women like to be loved by their husbands, they should be seen with the confidence aspects and from the other side the men should be loyal to their wives; similarly the need to have freedom and play, the important thing which is a need as well is the sexual desires and should be considered by the men but unfortunately no attention is given to any of the mentioned points in our country.
Also the other needs that are given value by the women and they wish the implementation of these points from their husbands could be; respect to their ideas and respect their families, need to work, the women need the participation of their husbands in the steerage process of their children and during their sickness they should be treated well and the men should ask of their health and they should stay with them; once again I would like to say that unfortunately no attention or very few attention is given to these issues of the women.
Question: Ms. Faizi; you have discussed about the needs of the women in widespread way but what could be the reasons that the husbands are not paying attention to these points?
Answer: the reasons that are effective in this regard are different and unlimited but one of the reasons which have maximum influence is the absurd custom and tradition in the society; this has caused that the husbands pay less attention to the psychological and mental needs of their wives. For example; whenever a woman is pregnant and during the delivery period, rarely men are accompanying them while there availability in such situations and conditions are must; they consider their availability as dishonor for them.
Question: Well; based on your views, how can we get rid of this problem? I mean from considering dishonor in such situations and supporting the women both psychologically and mentally in such conditions?
Answer: Sure, there are different ways, the most effective could be the awareness of the society people through televisions, radio etc. and also conduction of seminars in this regard.
From the other side, if the women are more actively participate in the meetings either official or unofficial, they should try their best to aware the other women in these regards and it would be considered a good step for solutions.
Question: Ms. Alokozay; Is the provision of monetary or materialistic aspects fulfill the responsibilities of the husbands against their wives?
Answer: Thank you; at the first step I would like to mention another issue; we have two words one is need and the other is want, these two words have many differences from both biological and medical point of view. For example: these two qualities are available in humans and when there is a lack of “need”, life becomes very difficult and sometimes impossible but if the “want” is not available then it is not too much important because without it the life is still possible to continue.
Need is the topic, where without it the life is difficult; the human needs includes water, air and many other things but our topic of discussion could be the wants of the human beings; that from the beginning people are behind it but they could never fulfill their wants or desires. For example: human beings want to sleep comfortably, drink comfortable and whatever they see the want to have them but if they don’t have access to these points still they can live.
But regarding your question I would like to say that by covering the monetary and materialistic wishes of a woman, the man cannot claim that he has fulfilled all his responsibilities; the women have another desires such as expressing of love and interest in their husbands, proper and healthy behavior is another important aspect in the married lives.
Question: If the husband does not come with the commitments that he made with her wife and from other side if he also do not accomplish his promises regarding the needs of his spouse, what future problems will raise at the family and society levels?
Answer: Yes, if the husband is not coming with the promises that he made for his wife then for sure it will negatively effect on the society and the family; the women will adopt sever psychic problems and if she gets psychic problems then for sure that the structure of the family would be disturbed and can also not take care of the children properly.
Therefore, in order to have nice family both husband and wife should confidence, love and trust on each other and from the other side they should respect to the virtue of discussions.
Question: One of the audience contacted and had a question that why some of the women are also not paying attention to wants of their husbands? Ms. Alokozay your response is appreciated.
Answer: Well; if at the time of marriage they both understand each other than without doubt that in the married life they will face less problems and in the combined life the most important thing is the understanding in the family related affairs from both sides.
Question: Ms. Faizi; based on your views, for a woman the materialistic needs are more important or the psychological and mental needs?
Answer: Obviously, I would like to say that both materialistic needs and psychological & mental needs are interrelated with each other, for example; if we provide all the materialistic and monetary needs of a woman which includes living facilities, food, cloths etc. and beside this we do not provide the love, confidence, trust and good behavior with the wife then for sure that life will not continue in a proper way.
Question: Well; among the needs, which ones could be more effective?
Answer: We can manage the economic or materialistic needs based on the understanding, the husband can share the economic problems with his wife and the wife will understand and both of them can cope in this regard; but whenever the husband fails to fulfill the psychological and mental needs of wife i.e. love, friendship, and other examples then without doubt that the problem will exist and will continue; and based on my views the psychological needs are more important than the materialistic or monetary needs.
Question: What could be the effect on the personalities of the women and in overall society if we are not spotting or paying attention to the needs?
Answer: Lack of paying attention to the needs of the women; especially the psychological and mental needs of the women could cause a number of problems including psychic problems, baby abortion, problems during the pregnancy, lack of proper steerage of the children, anarchy in the family, separation of the couple, self-burnings and many other problems.
As the families are the smallest mass of the society and if the conditions of a family is not good then the children steerage will also not take place properly; as a result the society may not expect much from such personalities in future.
Question: Ms. Alokozay; where is the root of not paying attention to the psychological and mental needs of the women by their husbands?
Answer: the reasons which could be effective in this regard could be the lack of awareness about the needs, mostly focus of the women towards the materialistic aspects, lack of understanding before marriage, illiteracy and some more reasons could be included here.
Question: Ms. Faizi; as a final question, can those men who are having more than one wife are able to pay attention to their needs?
Answer: In response to your this question I would like to say that based on Islam religion men are allowed to get married up to four wives and it refers to those problems that are created in the framework of a family; but they are allowed. In regarding the question that either they would be able to fulfill the needs, I would like to say if the men want then they can but it is too difficult.
Thank you very much all friends that you followed our program.
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