Women are also working in different social activities as men and it has been observed that in more cases even in hard works which in only considered that the men can do, they are doing and having more important and useful responsibilities; it is also to mention that the activities of women are much more as compare to the past.
But the point for consideration and worry of the civil society institutions is lack of attention towards the women in the framework of the family. After the diminishing of Taliban regime, many institutions are created for securing the women’s right in the country; where each and every of these institutions are covering specific issues.
The issue which has remained far away from the eyes of the people and less attention has been given to it in our society is the psychological and mental security of women from their husbands’.
In most of the cases it is observed that the husbands are thinking that by ensuring the monetary and economic needs of their wives, their responsibilities are over and they never think about the ensuring of psychological and mental needs of their wives.
In the current discussion we have tried our best to focus on the reasons that why the men are not paying attention to the psychological and mental needs of the women; for this we have a discussion with Mr. Bahman Haris Takwin the advocate and the Director of Takwin Consultancy Services Co; which is going to be presented to you dear audience by me (Masoud Ansar).
Question: Mr. Takwin; based on your views, in the married lives what are the expectations of the women from their husbands?
Answer: Many thanks from you; certainly, whenever the time of marriage comes between two persons then there are some hints and signals between the parties and both the parties have to implement and consider these points.
From the legal and lawful point of view; those points which are compulsory on the couples are not implemented in our country, and one of the reasons behind this is that there is no awareness among the families about their rights.
If I tell you specifically about your question then the expectations that a wife has from her husband could be the economic needs, sentiment, food and many more and in our country it is considered that whenever the food of the families are given then there are no further responsibilities of the husband, whereas this is not the fact.
Question: Mr. Takwin; Can the husbands claims that their responsibilities are accomplished only by provision of economic needs of their wives?
Answer: Without doubt No; because the wives are not only thinking about their economic needs to be solved but one of the important issues which can destroy the overall system of the family could be the psychological and mental needs and as well as the sexual needs of the both parties; therefore, both parties should sit together for the mutual solution of these problem and understand each other and whenever there is not a proper understanding of the issues mentioned previously then without doubt the problem will remain in the family and continuously the families will face this problem.
Question: Based on your views; are the women mostly expect the psychological and mental needs or economic needs?
Answer: Based on my views; the personalities are different either among the women or the men, some of the women are only thinking of the monetary aspects, whereas some of them are thinking of the sexual, psychological and mental needs; some of them are selfish and they think that all the time their husbands should think of them and some of them are in the category where they think that their husbands should have more respect in the society and people of the society should have good perspective about them. As a result it is very difficult to directly judge or say something because everyone based on their personalities can search different qualities in their husbands.
But the point is that from where these different personalities are raising among the people of the society; it refers to the past living environment of the women and men, from the other side the steerage and education is also having an extremely important effect, therefore if we would like to not face problems then we should study the women from the psychic point of view and find out that which kind of personalities they have and how should we behave with them.
Question: Mr. Takwin; if the psychological and mental needs of the women are not considered by their husbands, what problems could rise in their families and society?
Answer: Well; the psychological and mental needs has a direct relation with the economic status of the family, if the families are economically strong and they could cope with their economic problems then without doubt this problem will not exist because it is the economic problems that create such problems. Whenever a woman would like to agree with the conditions and because of the economic conditions it is not solved then without doubt the problem would be created and the family cannot assists in this regard.
If the psychological and mental needs of the women are properly solved, then problems will not exist and it relates to the understanding between the two parties which need that both parties should have a clear understanding of the family life aspects.
The other problem which could be consider as the lack of psychological and mental attention could be; first the women are getting anxiety and worry and therefore they are suffering with psychic problems; whenever a woman who is taking care of the children and faces such problems then for sure that she would not be able to do a proper steerage of her children and whenever the children are not properly taken care then the system of the family gets disturbed and from this generation no fruitful usage will be taken for the society.
Question: Mr. Takwin; where do you see the problem that the husbands are not paying attention to the psychological and mental needs of their wives, isn’t there awareness or there are other problems?
Answer: About the problems that why it is laying on the way of the women; without doubt that the first problem is poverty, if we could come to cope with the poverty in the society and there would no economic problems and on the small things there won’t be any contest then for sure that the problems would be solved to some extent. The second problem is the lack of attention towards the psychological and mental needs of the women, the same point you mentioned before. We are living in a society where a maximum number of illiterates are living with us and the problem of illiteracy is totally clear that is because of the insecurity at the society and because of this issue many of our people left behind from literacy; therefore, if in the families they are not aware of the rights of each other then it will reflect as a problem at the society level.
The third problem could be the lack of paying attention to the psychological and mental needs of the women and in this regards the related doctors or physicians should consult with them.
Question: Mr. Takwin; there are cases that some of the rich girls are getting married with those guys who are not economically strong, and this is also because of their agreement and tenacity; based on your views in this conditions the demand for the psychological and mental needs are not high as compare to the economic aspects?
Answer: Yes, there are cases available that some of the couples with different features means from the monetary aspects get together, where the girl is from a rich family and boy from the poor family then we can consider the psychological and mental needs more as to the monetary and economic aspects. The important point is that psychological and mental needs have relation with each other and in future such marriages lead to problems in the families because the girl before marriage has spent her life in a rich family and now in her husband’s house may be some of her wishes are not accomplished or fulfilled and with the passage of time it will would be problem creator and with the passage of time if these problems are not solved then the problems will further increase.
Question: Based on your views; isn’t lack of recognition of each other leads to future problems, there are some families that without understanding of their children get them married, what do you think about this issue?
Answer: Whenever the marriages taken place without the understanding of the boy and girl then for sure that in the future it will create problems in the families; these couples are not aware of the language and behavior of each other and this issue leads to problems between them and as a result they may not have a good life.
Question: As a final question from you; can those men bring stability in the demands of their wives who are having more than one wife?
Answer: To the extent I know, fulfilling the demands of the women in a society which is war affected, illiteracy is there to an extreme, lack of understanding each other rights and from the other side the women are with different personalities is very difficult and will cause further problems in our society.
Many thanks that you followed our discussions.
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