polygamy

In the name of God, we are happy to be again at your service by presenting another program of campaign for Change of Life, our discussion is about the polygamy, and our guests are Mr. Ahmad Ramin Andeshwar the program officer for the Women for Afghan Women, Farzana Amin the barrister of Afghanistan Medika, Mrs. Adela Amarkhil the assistant at Women department of Afghanistan Human Rights Independent Commission in Kabul and Naqibullah Surabi the barrister of Women for Women.

Question: First I would like to ask Mrs. Amin that why the marriage has been insisted a lot and what are benefits?

Answer: The marriage has many positive points, first if we look to this phenomenon from viewpoint of Islam the God never order any action that would be detrimental to human, also the marriage is the admirable Sunna of Islam’s prophet Mohammad (PBUH) that he has insisted about, if we see from social point of view the marriage is a good response to one of the human instincts that God has placed in human body as the marriage can control the mentioned instinct.

The increment of generation, prevention the illegal relations and creation of order in the community are other goodness of the marriage, though the marriage has problems in some instances so the people who want to enter to this union should consider all the points about.

Question: Mr. Andeshwar, by your opinion what Islam and Civil Laws have told about the polygamy?

Answer: Before I reply the question I would like to define the marriage, the marriage is a contract that has been made to form the family and states the obligations and rights between the two sides.

Regarding the polygamy, it is to say that the fourth verse of Al-Nesa (the woman) Chapter in holy Quran says that you can ensure the justice during the polygamy, the prophet Mohammad (PUBH) also has told that if you cannot ensure the justice among your wives then you would be standing paralyzed of one side of your body in future life.

Question: Mr. Andeshwar, what rights and responsibilities are concluded during matrimony between two sides?

Answer: When we marry certain mutual rights come to existence, for example, to keep the base of life stable and continue the life well, the wife should obey the good orders of her husband.

Question: Mrs. Amarkhil, by your opinion which rights and obligations are concluded on two sides and how a husband can keep in mind his wife’s rights and consider them?

Answer: The provision of alimony is the first right among the obligations set on the husband which includes the food, clothing and residence according to financial situation of the husband. The safeguarding of the family and coordination between two sides are the necessary conditions on both sides that if are respected by both sides the order of life would never be disarranged.

On the other hand, when the husband enunciate all his obligations, the wife is also obliged to respect some points in the marriage life for example she should get permission while going to some places though there are exceptions, when these points are respected in marriage life the life would continue very well otherwise the continuation of joint life would be impossible.

It is also to mention that the wife face with some of limitations in the family set by the husband or husband’s family; these are the limitations that face the order of the family to crisis.

Question: Mr. Surabi, in which conditions the Islam and Civil Law lets the man to have second or the third marriage?

Answer: The polygamy has existence in Islam as principle, but the readiness of conditions is important to be considered. The ensuring of the justice among the wives is also counted important as it has been stated clearly that the polygamy has two sides first the materialistic side and second moral/spiritual side, it is possible that the justice would be respected in materialistic side but problems would definitely happen in moral aspect. The Civil law points to three instances related to polygamy: first the husband should provide the alimony for the wife, secondly the wife should be affected by a refractory illness, and thirdly the fear of ensuring among the wives should not be in existence, in the mentioned conditions the man can marry with other woman.

Using the opportunity I would like to mention that we are witness of the marriages in Afghanistan in which the Islamic laws and Civil Laws are not considered at all which causes the creation of the problems in life of people.

Question: Mr. Surabi, as we told the coordination between the wife and husband is one of the principles that can keep the base in the family stable, but if the wife is abortive can the husband to decide the second marriage without having the consent of the wife?

Answer: The article number of constitution clearly states that if the husband decides to second marriage without having the consent of his spouse, the wife can claim the divorce through court.

Also one of the article of Afghanistan Civil Law states that if the husband marry other woman without informing his wife and the second wife gets information she can claim the injury/damage and decide to divorce therefore the mutual understanding is one of the conditions in all contracts.

Question: Mrs. Amin, If the man has two wives and he fails to ensure the between two wives in their life what results would be emerged?

Answer: Only materialistic issues are not important in marriage life rather the spiritual/morale issues also have considerable importance as well, when we speak about justice among the wives we should consider the justice in all aspects, we cannot think all the problems solved by paying the money.

At present, many families with polygamy are faced with the same problem as they don’t have any economic problem but from view point of division of morale justice among the wives they are in trouble which has caused the disarranging the order of the mentioned families, as all we know human specifically the women don’t want to see the love of their husbands divided, it has also has been seen that the first wife along with her children show violence against her husband which causes disarranging of the order of the family.

Question: Mr. Andeshwar, The Islam had let the men to marry for many times for which Islam submitted some reasons, is this is reasonable in the current situation?

Question: The Islam persists on having one spouse and continuity of the family as a principle but by my opinion the consent of the first wife must be gotten for second marriage or polygamy. Considering the current situation in the country the polygamy has not brought more than crisis and troubles to the families because the love is the only thing that cannot be divided a phenomenon that everyone needs it and nobody wants to lose it as we see daily the results of it in the courts where the discussion are going about the divorce and separation between the spouses.

Question: Mrs. Amarkhil, kindly tell us what are the benefits of the polygamy?

Answer: What was going on in the start of Islam regarding the polygamy was a separate issue and had been accepted considering the specified conditions while the polygamy don’t have any advantages in current situation, though there are instances and conditions cited in Civil Law that the man can have the second wife.

On the other hands there are verses in Holy Quran and sayings of prophet Mohammad (PBUH) that insists on illegality on polygamy whenever the husband cannot ensure the justice among the wives.

Question: Mrs. Amarkhil, as you mentioned that the polygamy has had many problems but still there are many people in the community who embark upon the polygamy so what you see as reason about?

Answer: The factors involved in polygamy are the man-lordship, publicity of indecent customs in the community and the economic poverty.

As we all know, the man-lordship in the community has caused when a man has the financial ability he can remarry apart from having the consent of the first wife in this manner the man abuses the permission that Islam has endowed. On the other hand the indecent customs in the community and economic poverty in some families who agree to sacrifice their daughters through marring with married men for getting their financial wishes and repelling their economic problems are counted the reasons for polygamy. It also has been seen in some areas that the people have the rivalry in having more than one wife but they don’t know regarding its indecent results, anyway by my opinion the polygamy is not good act.

Question: What is the role of polygamy, misbehavior of the women in families and forced marriages on the boy and girls?

Answer: The forced marriages and misbehavior of the wife against her husband can be the reasons that compel the man to remarry. On the other hand when the elder son dies due to any event or is being murdered the customs is that his wife would be compelled to marry with small brother of her former husband, after growth of the boy numerous problems occurs to the family as it has been seen that boy decide on second marriage.

Question: Have you ever been witness any instances that a husband marry again due to misbehavior of his wife?

Answer: There are instances that the husbands remarry due to misbehavior of their spouses, the mentioned misbehaviors take place knowingly or unknowingly but when we investigate deeply these cases we found that the problems in the families and behaviors of husbands against their spouses have caused that the wives do misbehavior.

Question: Mrs. Surabi, most of the participants agreed in today discussion that having more than one wife is not beneficial at all so what should be done to decrease the custom of polygamy?

Answer: First I should say that polygamy is an accepted principle, the polygamy has its own conditions but having a wife and behavior with her has had specific discussions, for example there are families that have good behavior and understanding  before marriage but problems emerge after marriage, all these problems has had different and specific factors, the cultural aggression of foreigners, lack of awareness from mutual rights and other factors cause the disarranging the order in the family.

As we told we cannot reject the legality of polygamy because there is need for example: It is said that men are killed in many instances and the women lose breadwinners, on the other hand the women have their own problems so there is need that they should remarry but the required conditions must be taken into consideration.

Question: Mrs. Amarkhil, as last question what is your message to the families that the polygamy already exists in, what they should do to keep stable the order in the family?

Answer: When we face an accomplished act we should try to solve the problems in our family peacefully and patiently, on the other hand we are Muslims, the Islam has more persistence on justice implementation among the families, whenever we want to implement the justice there would not be any obstacle on the way against us.

Thanks all those who followed our discussion by this time, good till next time.