Boy’s and girl’s consent for the marriage
August 2012
Pashto interview.
Subject: The consent of both sides for marriage and factors of cancellation.
Prepared by: Mohammad Nasim Lalahand.
Dear lovers of Killid Website and religious countrymen! Greetings to you! Being the blessed Sunna of prophet Mohammad (PUBH) the marriage means the matrimony in Arabic language, this is a great and nice contract that connects two families, two tribes even two countries, the boy and girl start the lovely life by bless of marriage, they also form a family, in this manner they also obtain names of father and mother, they start growing their children besides other works, they present new people to community, then they get special dignity and position in the community, unfortunately sometimes big and small problems raise or they may have not had the consent before the marriage or they may have not decided properly for marriage therefore differences raise among them, they feel hate against each other, the sweet moments in their life get bitter as even it happens that they leave the long trip of the life in the middle that they had started jointly and abandon each other, this separation is different in Islamic laws and other laws because the cancellation is one of the instances of dissolution of marriage or matrimony.
The article number 132 of Civil Law defines the cancellation: the cancellation is such a disorder/loss or defect that occurs during matrimony or after matrimony that prevents the continuation of the matrimony or marriage.
Being uncorrected the conditions of matrimony, defect in marriage portion, decline of lunacy are the instances that cause the disorder and defect during the matrimony.
Illegitimacy of being bridegroom, cursing(accusing of the wife on adultery without having any witness , rejected by wife), rejection of acceptance of Islam by infidel wife that her husband has accepted Islam are the instances that make obstacle in front of marriage continuation. In first case the base of contract of matrimony is obliterated namely there were factors of cancellation in the beginning of matrimony, in the second case the base of matrimony has not been obliterated rather the appearance /emergence of some of the defects/disorders and not executing the conditions have caused the cancellation of marriage.
Ok! Dear friends, now I would like to draw your attention to an interview that me Mohammad Nasim Lalahand has conducted with Hila Barakzai the assistant of gender department at Swedish Committee for Afghanistan regarding the factors of consent and cancellation.
In the beginning I have asked her view about the aim of marriage she says about:
Answer: By my opinion the marriage is the right of every human, the right of boy also the right of girl, the marriage is the basic factor for develop of social life, every human has the right to marry according to its own consent and their family also should engage them according to their wish.
Question: What points must be heeded during the matchmaking of the girl?
Answer: By my opinion, the view of the boy must be obtained; the girl must know who is coming for her matchmaking, the boy also should know that whom the matchmaker is going for, the people feel shame to ask the boy or girl but they should remember that they both will live together, the boy must know the girl, he should see her picture and know much about her family.
Question: As Islam has mentioned about the linage of the girl as the information must be gotten regarding the family of the girl and her ethics so is it necessary to do research about the boy’s family and his ethics or not?
Answer: As I told it is very important that the girl and boy know much about each other, the family of boy as well as the family of girl must do their research about each other, it has been seen mostly that they don’t know at all about each other that what would be their expectation from each other which cause the problems in their life.
Gathering of information about both the girl and the boy is important, the family of boy gets information about the family of girl but unfortunately the family of girl doesn’t gather the information about the boy what the boy is doing what is his business.
Question: How do you assess the situation of the marriages in Afghanistan?
Answer: The customs are different in different areas of the country.
Question: As you told the customs are different, what are the effects of the customs on the marriages?
Answer: The dowry is the problem that exists in all customs which creates most of the problems as the young have to go abroad to earn the money for dowry, the expenditures of the marriages is another issue as most of the families provides the list whereas the marriage is the joining of two young so all the families must refrain from high expenditure.
Question: what conditions are important to be considered before the matrimony t?
Answer: To prevent the problems the expenses of the marriage and marriage-portion must be specified before the matrimony, some of the families don’t agree during the marriages so if they decide before the marriage they would not face this problem.
Question: If the boy and girl don’t have consent during the matrimony will this be legal marriage?
Answer: No, the Islam has ordered that both sides must spiritually and logically decide about, namely according to Islam they both should have consent to each other.
Question: To protect the honor of the family it happens in our community that the girl keep silence during the marriage though she doesn’t has consent for the marriage while the Islam says that the silence is the sign of the consent?
Answer: The girl mostly becomes the victim of shame and modesty, when the matchmaker comes to girl house, if the girl has consent she should express her consent otherwise she should tell to her mother, sister and uncle daughter that she doesn’t has the not consent, if she tell during the matrimony it would be too late.
Many of the problems such as psychological problems, self-burning, flee from house would be prevented in the marriages if the families try to get the consent of the girl. If the families want to see their offspring safe they should get the consent of the girl, the consent of the girl is a condition by view point of Islam and law.
Question: What is the cancellation?
Answer: The cancellation is the dismissing of the marriage and separation between the wife and husband, there are numerous conditions by view point of law and religion but I would like to speak about its social effects that cause the cancellation. First the interference of families in each other affairs cause the cancellation. The people who interfere in joint life of the boy and girl in fact are sinful in front of the Islam and it is not a good action .Secondly, the indecent customs and improper expectations are the factors that cause the cancellation. I hope that the girls should keep away themselves from the improper expectations; rather the happiness of the boy and girl is important. Not hearing of each other words among the wife and the husband is another factor of the cancellation.
Question: Is the violence a factor of cancellation?
Answer: I think if there is mutual respect no problem will raise, if one side makes uproar and the wife also gets angry it will definitely cause the violence so I think the respect is the most important issue in marriage life.
Question: What is your message to those who that themselves creates the problems and then it causes the cancellation?
Answer: They should sit and solve the problems, the violence is not solution way, they should not let the indecent customs to penetrate in their life. End.
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