Religious authorities and tribal leaders in Sayed Abad district, Maidan Wardak, have jointly decided to halve the amount families ask as dowry. The limit has been set at 300,000 Afs (4,370 USD).
Violators will be punished, says engineer Ainudina in Sayed Abad. People have welcomed the decision.
Earlier, tribal leaders who gathered in Ghazni to discuss the prohibitive financial cost of marriage, reduced the dowry to half. Alef Khan, tribal leader representing Andar district says, “The decision was a long time coming.”
Exorbitant marriage settlements are the reason why many Afghans – both females and males – fail to get married.
Here the man has to pay thousands of Afghanis as “dowry” to wed. Sometimes a woman could remain engaged for four to five years if her fiancée has not been able to put together the money agreed upon by the two families. Marriage settlements are steep across the country but it is worse in the southern and south-east provinces, particularly among Pashtuns. Young men are forced by high unemployment in Afghanistan to migrate in search of work to put together the dowry money. Their journeys are most often both illegal and dangerous. When they find work, their earnings may only be enough for their own survival.
Anargula, a civil rights activist, is campaigning against the practice that sanctions the “sale of girls”. It makes young men desperate to find work. “In his search for work the boy is lost to the family,” she says of men who are forced to travel abroad illegally. “Meanwhile, the girl (he is betrothed to) gets old in her father’s house,” she adds. Under Afghan custom, it is a terrible blot on the reputation of a girl if her engagement is broken off.
Another activist called Zarmina told Killid that it was the responsibility of religious authorities, tribal leaders and maleks (village heads) to urge people not to take or give dowry. Investigations by Killid show that the rate of dowry varies widely according to the region. It goes up to 500,000 Afs (7,283 USD) in the eastern provinces like Kunar, Laghman and Nangarhar; one million Afs (14,565 USD) in Paktia, Paktika, Khost, Ghazni and Zabul; and up to 2 million Afs (29,130 USD) in Kandahar and Oruzgan.
Fear about future
Rahima Sadat, a teacher in a high school in Kandahar province, thinks the thought of meeting the dowry demands sows fear in the minds of young people. “Sometimes the demand is for 2,500,000 Afs (36,414 USD). It is heartbreaking for the youth,” she says. “We appeal to families and say even if you do not feel pity for the boys, at least think of your daughters!”
The marriage settlement is not the only expense. The prospective bridegroom has to bear the cost of the wedding. “Buying the gold and high expense of marriages have made many youths in Kabul wary of getting married,” says Sayedul Rahman. Wedding parties are conducted in hotels.
Mohammad Yaqub Wolesmal, a civil society activist in Kabul, says he knows many men whose beards have greyed as they wait to save enough money to get married.
Nek Mohammad, a 28 year old from Maidan Wardak province, has not got engaged. He says he has no land to sell or the ability of earning 600,000 Afs (8,740 USD) – the dowry demanded by a potential bride’s family – for the dowry. “I will stay unmarried. My father is a teacher and he earns only 8,000 Afs (117 USD). I am an employee in a government office – my salary is only 12,000 Afs (175 USD). As a family we can either pay for our living expenses or save for my wedding!” he says.
Another resident of Maidan Wardak said he has four eligible daughters but he was not prepared to take a “low dowry”. According to him, many people have asked for his elder daughter’s hand in marriage but backed off over the amount he demanded as marriage settlement. “This is the fate of girls,” he says. “If we were to agree to a low dowry, people would laugh at us.”
No religious sanction
Paying money to the bride’s family has no sanction under Islam. The Shariah gives the right of selection with the payment of mahr to women. Most often the families pocket the money. Sometimes the amount that was agreed on is not paid and the woman’s family will not protest for fear of ruining her reputation. Should the marriage fail the amount paid as mahr has to be returned.
Mawlawi Abdul Halim observes, “Mahr is one of the principles of matrimony. It has to be given to the girl. No one else has the right to take it.” Haidar Agha, a religious scholar agrees. “It is unlawful for anyone other than the girl to take mahr.”
In 2010, the government tried to reform the marriage law. A draft law was sent to the Council of Ministers. It prohibited the practice of forced dowry – if a man’s family willingly makes a marriage settlement to their future daughter-in-law then the custom is allowed.
Abdul Majid Ghanizada in the Ministry of Justice told the media the draft law is “lost” in the secretariat (council of ministers). The then government formed a working committee headed by the president but nothing further was heard.
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